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Relationship Plants

A relationship is like a plant. Meeting someone is the planting of a seed. When both people care for it, it grows fast. Each day brings a new leaf, a pleasant surprise. Over time, a good relationship will grow from a delicate sapling into a tree. The tree feels sturdy, like it has always been and always will be there. You stop noticing its growth because it becomes part of the landscape, quiet and steady. If you breakup, it doesn’t kill the tree outright. It stops feeding it. For awhile, the ...

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I Don’t Want to Be a Monk

Socrates once walked through a busy market and said, “I see so many things I do not need—and am made richer for knowing it.” The more you need, the less free you are. I understand this, but wanting things feels so natural, so human. Ironically, I find myself wanting to not want things, which contradicts the whole idea of not wanting. But not wanting anything also feels extreme, like being a monk, and I don't want to be a monk. Instead of shaving my head and wearing robes, here's what I tell m...

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How you do one thing is how you do one thing

Most of the successful people I know don’t wake up early and workout. I used to think the opposite. The motivational YouTube videos I watched told me that success required a 5 a.m. wake-up, a perfectly made bed, and workouts like a Navy SEAL. How you do one thing is how you do everything, they said. I bought in and lived it for over a decade. But the more I got to know people doing meaningful, high-leverage work, the more obvious it became that many of them weren’t following those “rules.” Th...

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Incentives Rule Everything Inside Me

Incentives shape belief more than evidence does. Most people like to think their opinions are grounded in objective truth. But more often, we believe things because they serve us. They help us fit in, feel good, or get paid.

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You Should Write WIBTALs

"If you’re thinking without writing, you only think you’re thinking." – Leslie Lamport Writing is uncomfortable. That’s the point. It forces you to confront how well you actually understand something. If you never write, you can stay in the illusion that your thoughts are clear. But growth doesn’t happen in that gray zone. Like lifting weights, you only get stronger by pushing past what’s comfortable. I can think of three great reasons to write WIBTALs:You think better. Writing makes you slow...

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Good Decisions != Good Outcomes

Something that Texas Hold'em illustrated for me is the difference between good decisions and good outcomes. People often conflate the two, tending to judge choices by their results. If something works out, they pat themselves on the back. If it crashes and burns, they beat themselves up. But poker shows why this thinking is fundamentally flawed. In Texas Hold'em, you're dealt two private cards and share five community cards with other players. These community cards come in stages - the flop (...

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The Brain's Compliance Department

Avoid people who are easily offended or want to police speech in a setting with friends. These people enjoy indulging themselves in recreational outrage, blaming others for the mismanagement of their own internal sanctity. When you talk with these people, your brain creates its own compliance department. Every thought must pass inspection before becoming speech: Will this upset them? Should I rephrase? Better not say it at all? This mental filtering is exhausting. That quarter-second pause be...

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The Booze Goldilocks Zone

"Dry January" is upon us, where people attempt to go a month without drinking. I think it's a good thing for people to try as it's a reminder of how prevalent booze is. Alcohol holds a contradictory place in society. We celebrate it at our happiest moments while acknowledging its role in ruining lives. It stars in ads showing glamorous lifestyles, yet presents many examples to the contrary. Society presents a 'booze goldilocks zone' where moderate drinking is expected, while abstinence and ex...

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Walking

In college, I felt self-conscious about not having a car. I'd walk a mile to-and-from campus each day and resent the fact that everyone else seemingly had one. On these walks, I'd regularly cross paths with another resident of my apartment building—a guy a few years my senior who was also always on foot. One day, seeking validation for our perceived hardship, I approached him: "I see you walking all the time too, really sucks to not have a car, right?" Looking at me with a mix of understandin...

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Bad Back

This week, a strained back confined me to bed for a few days where even the simple act of standing became a monumental task. As I laid there watching Netflix, I found myself envying the characters' casual movements - their ability to spring up, twist, and turn without wincing. It is silly, but I silently resented them for not appreciating what they had, the ability to move. Confucius said: "A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man only wants one." When pain becomes your constant comp...